My first gold

At the ripe old age of 34, i finally bought my first gold!. I've never bought gold jewellery before 'coz I'm not into jewellery... so, the only gold jewellery that i had was a gold necklace and bracelet that my mother gave me years ago - which i rarely wear. But, somehow this this time my friends managed to convince me that i'm enough to buy gold :-)

So, today i bought myself a gold bracelet - i considered that as a graduation gift for myself ;-) i'll be receiving my Masters' degree next month... i guess that's a good reason to buy a gift...

34

I turn 34 today... and the good thing is that i don't feel THAT old... not that i would know how 34 years old should feel like. Being at this ripe old age of 34, I feel like I'm in a good place... I didn't have a good start to the year, I was feeling sad...sometimes lost and frustrated. But lately I've been feeling great and at peace.

I had a great day today. i have a good friend who mixed up my birthday with our mutual friend and she only realised that last night. But somehow she managed to arrange for a delivery of flower & chocolate bouquet to me - really appreciate it and i was really amused by the things she did to keep it as a surprise :-)

I went out for lunch at Tupai-Tupai with 5 of my close friends from office - a fun gathering of girls. We celebrated my birthday along with another 2 friends... 3 of us blowing the candles and all 6 of us laughing our head off over the lunch.

The best of the day - my own birthday gift for myself. I got myself a new car, Toyota Vios. I got the car today, just over a week after placing the order for the car - the saleswoman went all out to get everything ready so that i could get the car on my birthday. Yayy...

I have a lot be thankful for - i have good family & friends, i own a house and a brand new car (both bought with my very own hard-earned money - with help from bank loans, of course....), i have good health, i like my job...i got everything i need. It'd be selfish for me to complain or be depressed over things i don't have when i already have a lot.

I fell truly blessed.... Alhamdulilah.... I'm grateful for all the good things in my life...

Memories of Makkah & Madinah

The photo taken in the afternoon before Zuhur prayer. There were not may people around the Kaabah 'coz it was very hot...

Spiritual Journey

I came back from performing umrah yesterday. Here's the diary of my spiritual journey to the Holy Land of Makkah and Madinah.

My journey started on Sunday, 18th May 2008 when i left for Makkah to perform umrah. It was my first time, so i was a bit nervous and also excited about the journey. I left KLIA on 11.30am Saudi Airlines flight to Jeddah and arrived in Jeddah at about 2.30pm local time. When i stepped out of the plane, i was greeted by a hot breeze and scorching sun... just how i expected it to be.

It took us almost 2 hours to clear the immigration even though there were not that many passengers disembarking at that time. We had to change queue a couple of times without knowing exactly why we had to do it... but i managed to remain calm and patience.... after all, i was in the state of ihram and was about to embark on this spiritual journey...therefore should be patient and calm...

After collecting our luggages, the 4 of us joined the other 40 people in our tour group to take the bus to Makkah. However, we were then told that the 4 of us would not be joining that group on the bus, so we were ferried to Makkah by van instead, accompanied by a muttawif who will guide us for the first umrah. All of us had already put ourselves in the state of ihram (niat ihram) while on the plane just before we touched down in Jeddah and this state of ihram would continue until we finished all the rituals of umrah, i.e tawaf, sa'ee and tahallul. We arrived at our hotel at about 6.15pm. After performing Maghrib prayer, we had dinner and were taken to the Masjidil Haram to perform Isya' prayer and complete the umrah rituals.

As we were walking towards the Masjidil Haram, I had mixed feelings about seeing Kaabah for the first time.... after all this is the direction towards which i've been praying 5 times a day... i was thinking, would i cry when i saw it? how would i feel? am i really here?

There were construction works along the entrance to the Masjidil Haram, so it was very dusty and at night i couldn't really see the grandeur of the Masjidil Haram from the outside. But, the outside appearance of the Masjidil Haram wasn't important to me, what's on my mind at that time was seeing Kaabah. So, i walked into the Masjidil Haram and there it was... the Kaabah... this majestic black object in the middle of a sparkling white marble floor... what an amazing sight... it was a surreal feeling seeing it for the first time.. and my first thought was that - Alhamdulillah...thank you Allah for bringing me here. Then i prayed for His blessing to allow me to complete my umrah and the entire journey with ease. I didn't shed a tear... just in awe of the view of Kaabah and the many fellow Muslim brothers and sisters who were there to offer their prayers.

Then, we stepped onto the open space facing the door to the Kaabah and the muttawif led us to recite a doa by those seeing Kaabah for the first time. As i recited the doa, tears started to flow... but i just can't eloquently describe my feelings at that time... i just felt very blessed and grateful to be chosen to be there... and also felt that i've never been closer to Allah than at that point of time...

Right after Isya' prayer, we performed tawaf - circurling the Kaabah 7 times, then we performed sa'ee - going back and forth from the hill of Safa to Marwah 7 times. The distance between Safa and Marwah was about 400 metres each way, so we actually walked on the cemented floor with only socks on for about 2.8km in order to complete the sa'ee. After that, to end the umrah, we perfomed tahallul - the cutting of at least 3 strands of hair. That's the end of umrah and we were free from the state of ihram. By the time we came back to our hotel, it was 11.00pm - which was 4.00am Malaysian time.... what a day! I started my day in Kuala Lumpur at 7.30 am and ended that day in Makkah with my first umrah completed. It was a very tiring day... but the adrenaline just kept me going.

We spent the next 5 days in Makkah, performing umrah and joining the other group for visits to some historical places in Makkah - Arafah, Mina, Jabal Rahmah, etc. We left for Madinah on Saturday, 24th May 2008. It was a very emotional moment leaving Makkah... but i made a vow to come back to this Holy Land, InsyaAllah......

It was a 6-hour journey by bus from Makkah to Madinah. The journey was smooth as the highway wasn't as busy as in Malaysia. The views were mostly of barren land and hills of rock and sand. We arrived in Madinah at about 9pm and I was quite surprised with the contrast between the city of Makkah and Madinah. Madinah looked very modern - there's even a Starbuck kiosk near the exit from Masjid Nabawi! - compared to Makkah. Masjid Nabawi itself was such a majestic presence in the middle of the city... basking in the light when we arrived that night. We could only go there the next morning for Subuh prayer. The inside of Masjid Nabawi was magnificent! It was like a palace in a fairy tale story with so many big columns and domes decorated beautifully.... and after Subuh prayer, we saw the domes slided open to a clear sky... the sliding domes were awesome!. Unlike the Masjidil Haram, Masjid Nabawi is fully air-conditioned. In Masjidil Haram, only a small part is air-conditioned and you won't be able to view the Kaabah if you were praying in that section of the Masjid - as far as possible we always chose to pray in the area where we could view the Kaabah. Masjidil Haram is open 24 hours while Masjid Nabawi is closed for a few hours between Isya' and Subuh prayers. Both are well-maintained and very clean.

In Madinah, we visited historical masjids - Masjid Quba and Masjid Qiblatain- and Mount Uhud - the place of the battle of Uhud.

We left for KL on Tuesday, 27th May 2008 via Madinah airport on a 9.00pm flight with transit in Riyadh for refuelling and picking up passengers. The flight was delayed in Riyadh, so we only arrived in KLIA at 1.30pm instead of 12.00pm on 28th May 2008. I was so tired, I slept most of the time during the flight.

I would only go back to work on Monday, so i have 4 days to rest. It was a physically demanding trip, especially in Makkah... but somehow i managed to go through that by reminding myself the challenges that i faced were nothing compared to the hardship and challenges that Prophet Muhammad, Prophet Ibrahim, Prophet Ismail, their family and followers had to endure.

It was a very emotional and humbling experience. I felt closer to Allah standing in front of the door of Kaabah asking for His blessings... and pouring my heart out for He is the only one who knows me best and the one that i turn to.

Alhamdulillah... thank you Allah for inviting me to be one of the guests in Your House...

Here I am at Your service...

Here I am at Your service, O Allah, here I am at Your service, here I am at Your service. There is no associate with You; here I am at Your service. Verily all praise and grace is due to You, and the sovereignty (too). There is no associate with You.

Madness...

I'm swarmed with work!!! arghhhh....... i've been spending last week and this week finishing off as much work as possible before my 2-week leave. The work keeps on coming........ my clients scrambling to send work and asking me to have a look before i leave...

I'm physically and mentally tired........ I don't even have time to sit back and ponder on my impeding journey to the Holy Land. I'll be leaving to Makkah on Sunday morning, will spend Saturday doing laundry (not a good idea to leave dirty laundry at home for 2 weeks!) and packing for the trip.

Looking forward to 12 days of some peace and quite time, away from the hustle and bustle of life in KL. It would be 12 days without tv, my morning ritual of The Star newspaper and a mug of Milo, meetings with clients, gym, internet.... instead, it would be 12 days of prayers and spiritual cleansing, insyaAllah........

Alhamdulillah

It never fails to move me whenever i hear this song.... my absolute favourite! For me it's an honest and humble reminder to oneself to always be grateful to Allah.

Alhamdulillah - Too Phat feat. Yasin

Di saat waktu berhenti...kosong

Dimensi membutakan mata memekakkan telinga

Lalu diri menjadi hampa

Saat paradigma dunia tak lagi digunakan untuk menarka

Sadarku akan hadirMu

Mematahkan sendi-sendi yang biasanya tegak berdiri

Ult li albi bissaraha (Aku membuka hatiku dengan kejujuran)

Hayya nab'idil karaha (Hindarilah kebencian dan dendam)

Syakkireena a' kulli na'ma (Marilah kekalkan syukur dengan apa yang kita ada)

Ba' ideena anil fattana (Hindarilah segala penipuan dan dosa-dosa)

Merenungi luar jendela

Mengagumi kebesaran yg Maha Esa

Ku menilai kehidupan dari sudut berbeza

Tak memadai hanya kecapi rasa selesa

Mahukan harta yang mampu beli satu semesta

Berpesta ke parti botol bergelimpangan

Kekasih muda bukan takat berpegang tangan

Harta dan jamuan nafsu tidak berkekalan

Bila menjelang tua bukan itu jadi bekalan

Dan jangan puisi ini disalah tafsir pula

Bukan berkhutbah, cuba betul diri ini cuma

Ingin hidup sempurna, asset nilai berjuta

Saling tukar wanita, senyum dan mati tua

Bakat dikurnia jangan disalahguna

Jangan kufur nikmat yang diberi percuma

Guna kelebihan untuk khidmat bersama

Jagalah nama

Hidup penuh pementasan dan drama

Ada berisi ada yang kurus

Ada melencong ada yang lurus

Bukan semuanya tulus

Ada sempurna ada kurang upaya

Ada yang jadi buta hanya bila sudah kaya

Sebesar rumah bermula dengan sekecil bata

Boleh hilang dalam sekelip mata

Ucaplah Alhamdulillah bukannya sukar

Kerna semana kaya atau besar

Tetap Allahuakbar...

Ult li albi bissaraha (Aku membuka hatiku dengan kejujuran)

Hayya nab'idil karaha (Hindarilah kebencian dan dendam)

Syakkireena a' kulli na'ma (Marilah kekalkan syukur dengan apa yang kita ada)

Ba' ideena anil fattana (Hindarilah segala penipuan dan dosa-dosa)

Jadikanlah ku tentera Fisabilillah

Yang tertera di kalimah harap memanduilah kita apabila persimpangan tiba

Hidup penuh dengan rintangan harus kuhadapinya

Harap ku tidak lupa diri bila gembira

Dan cuma mula mencari Kau di saat hiba

Ku cuma manusia penuh dengan kesilapan

Tapi bisa membezakan cahaya dan kegelapan

Tabah bila dikalangan duri onak dan cubaan

Teguh bila dicubakan pengaruh kuasa dan perempuan ah!

Sentiasa legar diminda dikejar dan dipinta

Dari zaman bermula hingga ke akhirnya

Ku mengerti siapa ku tanpa Mu disisi

Dan apa guna posessi juga posisi

Sementara ini cuma hanya puisi

Nukilan tulisan dan bisikan hati

Mencari keterangan menjiwai peranan

Menepati pesanan, janji juga saranan

Alhamdulillah atas kurniaan rezeki

Moga tidak leka dalam perjalanan ini

Ult li albi bissaraha (Aku membuka hatiku dengan kejujuran)

Hayya nab'idil karaha (Hindarilah kebencian dan dendam)

Syakkireena a' kulli na'ma (Marilah kekalkan syukur dengan apa yang kita ada)

Ba' ideena anil fattana (Hindarilah segala penipuan dan dosa-dosa)

Aku yang memandang di dalam lubuk hati

Mencari-cari rahsia yang katanya tersembunyi

Aku yang melihat alam meliputi

ujud menyertai lalu kupindahkan alam ke dalam mata hati

Aku hakiki aku mengerti segala yang terjadi di langit dan di bumi

Gunanya tiada fantasi pelik dan benar qada' dan qadar

Kau berilahku kekuatan agar dapatku hindarkan segala kesesatan

Usah kau biarkan nafsuku terliur

Dari pandangan majazi ini

Aku yang bodoh lagi hina amat benar merindui

Moga cahaya lelatu tak membutakan mataku

Semoga segala puji takku meninggi diri

Moga segala janji dapat juga ku penuhi

Moga dapat ku hadang tikaman dari belakang

Lidah setajam pisau

Ku tidak akan risau

Dengan dugaan cabaran

Sepanjang perjalanan ku pasrah ku akur

786 Alhamdulillah Syukur!

Ult li albi bissaraha (Aku membuka hatiku dengan kejujuran)

Hayya nab'idil karaha (Hindarilah kebencian dan dendam)

Syakkireena a' kulli na'ma (Marilah kekalkan syukur dengan apa yang kita ada)

Ba' ideena anil fattana (Hindarilah segala penipuan dan dosa-dosa)

Sujudku pun takkan memuaskan inginku

untuk hanturkan sembah sedalam kalbu

Adapun ku sembahkan syukur kepada Mu Ya Allah

Untuk nama harta dan keluarga yang mencinta

Dan perjalanan yang sejauh ini tertempa

Alhamdulillah pilihan dan kesempatan

Yang membuat hamba mengerti lebih baik tentang makna diri

Semua lebih berarti apabila dihayati

Alhamdulillah, Alhamdulillah, Alhamdulillah

It's over!

Got my final exams result today. I've passed all the papers.... Alhamdulillah....

I'm just so happy and relieved that it's over. I've persevered.... and i've done it... i've earned my Master degree after almost 2 years of juggling work and studies.

Yayy....

I'm on my way!

Finally.... i'm on my way to going on a spritual journey of performing umrah in Makkah. In 4 weeks time, i'll be in the holy city of Makkah, InsyaAllah... very excited... and also a bit nervous...

Lesson learnt

I've let my guard down and get out of the comfort of my own world....

I had a real wake-up call today. Now, i realise that the new world is not as rosy i believe it to be. I get too comfortable in this new world and open my heart to new friends but ended up being misunderstood. It makes me feel so alone.... despite being surrounded by many friends.

I've learned my lesson today... to never ever let my guard down again, to never ever think that i could let people be too close to me.

It's time to go back to my own world... and remember that i could only depend on me. I should do my very best to be kind to everybody and look for the best in everybody (i'm not perfect, so i might not be able to do this all the times..), but never ever expect other people to do the same thing to you... It's time to rebuild the wall around my heart, so that when people turn out to be not how i expect them to be, it won't hurt too much...

The people has spoken...

I was up till the wee hours this morning watching the general election results. The ruling party suffered a shocking defeat in a lot of seats in this general election. It was unbelievable result...

I wouldn't call myself a supporter of any particular political party and i didn't even vote yesterday despite being a registered voter. I did vote in the last general election - my very first voting experience- but mostly just for the heck of it and i voted for the candidates that my father supported. Well, that was the best thing to do 'coz i was not staying in the area where i voted. My parents did and still are living there.... so, they should get my vote for whoever they want to be their leader...

Anyway, i hope all those opposition leaders who got voted in this time would discharge their responsibilities to the people to the bes of their ability and i hope that this shocking results would serve as a wake-up call to the ruling party. They shouldn't be too complacent and think that the people wouldn't dare to make such a big change as to vote the oppositions when the country is doing "ok". Based on the results, apparently, the country is not ok, there are a lot resentment among the people. Now, it's time to do a serious soul searching on the best way to serve the people.

So, the people has spoken.... i hope that it's the best men and women who have won.... most of all, i pray that this new change of guards would the best for all Malaysians...

Soul searching

Last month a friend sent me this message -

" Sometimes, Allah breaks our spirit to save our soul. He breaks our heart to make us whole. He sends us pain so we can be stronger. He sends us failure to make us humbler. He sends us illness so we can take care of ourselves. Sometimes, Allah takes everything away from us so we can learn the value of what He has given us"

That message got me thinking and doing some soul searching (well... i've been doing a lot of soul searching lately). Things haven't been going well for me this year and a lot of time it makes me sad and sometimes it makes me feel "abandoned" by the Almighty... and i felt bad about feeling that way... 'coz i know i've not been abandoned or forgotten by Allah. It's a humbling experience to realize that what i don't have is nothing compared to what a lot of other people lack in their life. How selfish of me!!! And despite these fleeting selfish feelings, Allah has continued to bless me with a lot of things... and today, by His grace, i've taken a step towards a spiritual journey....

I should be more grateful for what i have and stop worrying about what i don't have. Just like what that message says - Everything happens for a reason. Allah the Almighty knows what's best for me. So, i'm leaving my life in His hands....

So, dear God, please forgive this humble soul for her moments of weakness and please bless and guide her through this spiritual journey...

Welcoming the year 2008

I've been down with flu for the last couple of days... but despite not feeling 100%, i went to KLCC New Year Celebration concert last night. I've never been to such concert before 'coz i know the traffic would be crazy on new year's eve. So, why on earth would i subject myself to this human crown and traffic madness this time around?

The reason - i got a VIP pass to the concert which means that i could hang out at the VIP tent - all very nice with air-cond tent, comfy sofa, free flow of food and 'viewing deck' to watch the concert. So, i decided.... why not... let's do it this year. So, i met up with my brother after work and we went there... i left my car at train station and got my brother to bring his car. To avoid the traffic, he parked his car at Times Square and walked to KLCC - he said that it's just a short walk to KLCC from Times Square - i had no idea that it's going to be a long walk through the street party madness in Jalan Bukit Bintang to get to the car after the concert. I paid a high price for it - geting blisters on my feet after walking from KLCC to Times Square wearing wedges!. I was soooo tired after the long walk and horified to see the street party - with loud music, rowdy crowd and rubbish on the streets - i swear this would be my first and last outing on new year's eve...

Anyway, the concert was good. The highlight of the evening for me was Ramli Sarip singing "Kamelia" with the crowd singing along, and of course the spectacular fireworks display after midnight...